Just A Small Town Girl

Sometimes I get so caught up in the bustle of the big city I almost forget to breath. Days are filled to the brim sometimes overflowing past my bedtime to get caught up on everything I have to do. Thank goodness for holiday weekends. And trips to my parents house, in the small town that I grew up in.

Friday could not go by fast enough, I did my best to get done as much as I could, but I was leaving at 3pm so we could get a head start on our trip. Boyfriend was driving, I was navigating. There is an interesting overall feeling to our car trips to New England. As we drive through New Jersey the trip seems fresh and we chat about everything from our future together to the weather to our plans for next weekend. The road ways are wide and industrialized filled with tractor trailers and weekend travelers. Thankfully we ran into zero traffic the whole way. I was literally crossing my fingers at some points just praying to not see a explosion of red brake lights. Our trip takes us to the tip of New Jersey, through New York, and then to the dark roads of Connecticut on our way up to Massachusetts.

It's always about halfway through the journey, usually somewhere just over the New York state line, that this sense of calm washes over me. After two or so hours Boyfriend and I are content to just sit and watch the world go by and enjoy the late evening sun setting in the distance. I am on my way home. It is as if my body knows where we are going. It tells my mind to relax, there is nothing to worry about because we are going home.

Home of course is not about a town or a house or an address. It is about the people. The most relaxing and assuring thing about going home is knowing that the people you are with accept you 100 percent exactly as you are. No matter how long it has been since you have been away. No matter what you have done in the past, or what happens when you are there. No matter how long you stay, or even that you have to leave, home is truly where you heart is. Now that I have done some growing up, my love for my family has grown so much stronger. They are the ones who understand me best, they are the ones who are most like me. When I arrive home that night my mom is still dressed in her running shorts and sneakers and we hug, as always it feels so good to be back. When I tell them I plan on running twelve miles in the morning they barely even blink, they would be more surprised if I said I was sleeping in.

For three days I wake up to bright sunlight and chirping birds instead of closed blinds, screeching horns and wailing sirens. On my morning runs I say hi to anyone that passes, although I usually know about half of them. Neighbors out in their yards greet me as I run by. And later at a friends BBQ at least two people comment that they saw me "jogging" this morning around town. I don't correct them and say I was running. I just smile and nod and say yes and they smile widely as they say "I thought that was you!".

My mom eats just like me. Or rather, as Boyfriend says, I eat just like my mom seeing as she has been around longer and my habits come from her. The fridge is stocked with fresh healthy ingredients, fruits, vegetables and yogurt, and there is always a fresh pot of coffee brewing before I even wake up. I am in heaven. But I don't take it for granted. I am always cleaning something or putting things away. For some reason when I go home I can't help it. I feel like it earns me my time to stay here even though I know I am always welcome. Although I long ago forfeited my childhood bedroom to my youngest sister, knowing there is always a spot for me on the couch is good enough. I quickly get used to a house full of people and adore that there is always someone around to talk to even if we are just laying around making fun or reality TV stars. Even better if there is a family party, which there was, and we all get together for a festival of good food, cold drinks, and hour after hour of laughter.

No matter how long I stay, it is never enough time. It has been seven years since we packed up my life in my mom's Volvo station wagon and took off for Philadelphia. I have plans of someday doing back but for now I live my life in two cities, four states apart. I sneak in one last five mile run with Mom and Boyfriend, before gathering my things for the long trip home. Mom of course doesn't let us leave with out taking some of her homemade carrot cake, a container of fresh sliced up watermelon and a bottle of red wine. I am happy to have made the trip, happy to be going back to my city life, but sad to be leaving the comfort and relaxation of home. Even as we drive away, towards the chaos of our day to day lives I began plotting when we can come back next.

xx Sara

That Dreaded Treadmill

Six mile stared me in the face all day long as I bustled though all my work. I couldn't wait. I even wanted it to be something hard. It was the longest weekday run on my calendar in a long time, but I was excited to hit 25 miles for the week after my Saturday long run. All month I have been struggling to get to 25. There were a few weeks of 19 and one of 24.

Just as I was packing up my things to head home, the dark clouds rolled in and I heard thunder booming outside. There are only a few things that sideline me from a run. Lighting is one of them. And where there is thunder lighting is not far behind. Thankfully I have been getting very smart when it comes to weekday workouts. I never leave the house with out my gym bag complete with all the necessities for a run indoors or out. If it rains, is cold, or I have to work late my bag is in the gym and ready to go. With the gym at my work I literally have no excuses what so ever to not get my workout in.

So there I am, face to face with the dreaded and terrible Treadmill. I am only feeling semi determined at this point. I know I can bang out four miles, but my planned six? Won't I want to gouge my eyes out by four and a half? I check my IPod battery life, and once I see it is half full I decide to turn on the radio and keep my headphones in reserve for the end of the run. That is when I will need it the most. I waste time doing lunges with weights, plank, and other random exercises from SHAPE magazine, putting off climbing up onto that big black monster.

Finally I realized the sooner I started, the sooner I would be done. Something I have been telling boyfriend a lot when we do our runs together is "When it hurts or get's hard just focus on the end. It may feel impossible now, but know that it is only temporary. You will finish, so focus on staying calm and working your way to the end." I took my own advise and just went with it. The radio was on in the background and I spend a good mile and a half if not two miles mentally putting together outfits for the next three weddings I have this summer. I thought about jewelery, shoes, hair-dos, and purses. Before I knew it I was two miles in. I spend the next mile staring at my feet and working on good form in my legs. Picking up my body through my chest (if that makes any sense). It's like pretending there is a string attached to your head and it's pulling your whole body up towards the ceiling. When I practice running tall I feel stronger than when I let myself slump. Almost as if I can feel myself carrying my whole body weight, but when I lift myself I feel lighter and moving foward (or in place) feels easier. After three miles I talked myself into finishing five.

I was going along great. I had a rhythm. I was in the zone. And then out of nowhere a shooting pain attacked my left shoulder. OW! This is something that has happened to me a few times on longer runs, the front of my shoulder joint gets sore, and although the pain isn't that bad it drives me crazy because it won't go away. I kept running, hoping it would stop, I tried to massage it but I was so sweaty I wasn't having much luck. At first I was angry. I slowed to a jog and then a walk, stretching my arms out every which way they would bend trying to get rid of the pain. Slowing down helped a lot, but did I have the strength to keep going? Did I really want to erase three miles off my weekly total because of this? The weird thing about running is the higher you get in your mileage, the harder it is to reach that peak where you feel accomplishment. Three miles just didn't do it for me anymore. More determined than ever I cranked up the speed and found I felt much better. Maybe sometimes a little break is all you need. I resumed my prior pace, and settled into a comfortable form. Letting the words and music of the radio wash over my ears like a glaze I found that inner calm and charged forward.

I am not sure what came over me, or what let me to keep going. Maybe in all this training I have been strengthening my mind just as much as my body. I kept thinking about all my long runs, and if I have the patience to keep going on those I can do this too. Maybe I just wanted to run the mileage I said I would and not have to change it. Maybe I wanted to hit 25 for the week. Whatever it was I want to harness it, put it in a jar and have it for breakfast, because it was amazing. It was like my body was moving, and I knew it was moving, but I wasn't in control. Was I on auto pilot?

Once I hit five miles I figured I got this far what's one more. I knew it would be hard, and I want it to be over fast so I pulled out my secret weapon I had been keeping for just this occasion. Headphones. The best motivation I know is a loud beat and a sweet melody. I upped my speed to something I figured I could handle for one more mile, and treated it like a shot at the doctor. Don't focus on the pain. And I didn't. I focused on the music, the rhythm, the beat, the words, and before I knew it was over.

There is a special sense of pride reserved for running more than four miles on a treadmill. I can tell you without a doubt I went home happy last night.

xx Sara

Hot town summer in the city

Super jazzed - one month until Boston 13.1 with Team Challenge! I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I am not only getting ready for another race, but I FEEL ready for another race.

The days continue to be an experiment in being flexible with my schedule and my miles. As long as I fit in an approximate mileage plus my long runs I am pretty happy. I don't know when I became this person who isn't so serious and rigid but I'm really beginning to like her. I hope she sticks around. I guess I just got sick of being hard on myself for missing three quarters of a mile or having to stop and walk or taking a day off to rest or if I'm sick. Why should I beat myself up for the little things I didn't do when there is so much more that I do do. While other people I know are spending their evenings on their couches eating takeout with their feet up and fat slowly collects around their middles, I am out running. I am making a choice to do something better for my self. In the end it all works out.

Tonight was HOT! Having been in the office all day long I had no idea what to expect when I stepped outside in short and sneakers ready to head home for the night. What hit me was like a wall of steam but Boyfriend and I were not going to let that keep us from our weekly three mile run. We made it through all right, it was hot and sweaty and for the most part kind of slow. Perhaps it was the slight overindulgence in pizza and a large M&M cookie at lunch, but even after a sweaty workout I was feeling kind of soft. I needed a burn. A challenge. And then it occurred to me. I had been thinking about doing the 100 push up challenge for a few weeks now but have never done the initial test, the one to see what level you start out at. So before I feed that fat kid in my stomach a heaping bowl of pasta and gravy I headed for some open space on the bedroom floor and got to it.

... and knocked out EIGHT (yes that's right I rarely remember to focus on upper body strength when I run so much) full pushups. I guess it's better than only one or two but I was really hoping for ten. No matter though because what I cannot accomplish today, with hard work and dedication I will be able to accomplish soon! Since they recommend you take a day or two off after your initial test I guess I will start week 1 day 1 on friday. I can't wait to see if I make any progress!

xx Sara

12 Miles and 2 Margaritas

Someone is very behind at their updates *hides head in shame*. But it has been a very busy weekend + Monday and Tuesday. So I guess instead of my usual lengthy writing I should try the cliff notes version? Damn. I am not good at making things short. I love the details!

One thing I noticed as I grocery shopped for salsa ingredients Friday night at about 8pm was that it was the night before a long run and I was not freaking out like I used to do. I hadn't been home yet, I hadn't eaten dinner yet, it was going to be a very long night but I wasn't freaking out about being in bed on time or eating the right things. I mentioned this to Boyfriend later that night in the kitchen while I chopped veggies and he concocted a delicious beef stir fry. I thought I had become more low key, or mellow may have been the word I used. He agreed but said I just seemed more confident. Initially I fought back thinking, didn't I seem confident before, but maybe he had a point. Whatever we chose to call it I was happy that I had found a way to make training and our relationship not only work but flourish. Through running, and my being able to share running with him, we have grown stronger. And because of him I can fall asleep on Friday nights before long runs with out all the anxiety and seriousness I used to have. I don't have to treat every long run like a hard core serious event to do it well.

12 miles on Saturday went great, although the weather was a bit humid and warm at the end. I struggled through the last uphill but didn't beat myself up for it because I was so excited to be done. I had no time to sit and mull over my performance because as soon as we finished I was off to meet up with my college girl friends. We hung out for the rest of the afternoon making margaritas on the rocks, nachos, gabbing, gossiping and just being girls.

On my drive home I couldn't stop thinking about something we had discussed on that morning's run. White chocolate peanut butter. Here is one of the greatest things about runners, we love food almost as much as we love running. And not only that we love good FOR you food that tastes good. And when you run for hours at a time talking non-stop about food and training, I come home with a bunch of new food ideas every week. And this week it was peanut butter. Everyone knows that runners love nut butters. I tried to explain that to Boyfriend as we were on our way to Target to satisfy my craving. He didn't even know about almond butter (which I have yet to try but it's on my list) . While we wandered through the store in search of my treat he made the keen observation that I was pretty cranky. I guess 12 miles and 2 margaritas will do that to a girl who was craving peanut butter and chocolate. Now at first I had been advised this product was available at Whole Foods, but there isn't one close enough to me to warrant the trip, there was however a Target and so I was crossing my fingers. Tight. While we did not find any butters of the white chocolate variety I was so lucky as to get my hands on Archer Farms Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter. I was practically drooling the whole way home.

Let me just say that if you like chocolate and peanut butter you will probably want to eat this by the jar full. At least I do. You have to mix it up a bit, like natural peanut butter, and it's flavor is like a spreadable Reece's peanut butter cup. It makes a great breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, or of course all of the above! Shortly after dinner however my long day caught up to me and I passed out on the couch.

Sunday was wonderful and lazy filled with sleeping in, eggs sandwiches and coffee for breakfast, hair cuts and food shopping. Everything an off day should be. And even better Boyfriend and I finally found the White Chocolate Wonderful and it every bit lives up to it's name. Not only that but I also got daring and bought myself a few cups of Oikos Greek Yogurt. I know what you're going to say I'm a little tardy to the party but I promise you not it's not that I didn't try. I just made the rookie mistake of getting the 'plain' kind my first time out of the gate. Now I have adapted myself to 'plain' regular yogurt, but 'plain' Greek yogurt is a little more of an acquired taste. This time I went for Vanilla and low and behold to my surprise I loved it. I am a changed woman I never want to go back to anything else again.

Monday was a pretty uneventful Monday. Too much work and not enough hours in the day. Four somewhat easy miles where I worked on keeping focus and form. As I warmed up every little thing was bothering me. The wet spot on my left sock, the tag of my sports bra, you name it it bugged me until I realized this is how I get at the end of my races. I lose focus and can't get my mind around all the little things that get in the way. So I started making up stories in my head, that always gets my mind off things. Before I knew it I was at a mile, than two, than three and then I was done and I felt great. I was staying at my place sans Boyfriend so I made my favorite quick easy meal - omelet - with spinach, tomato, onion, and cheese!

And then there was today. Today there was no new food, and no new running. There was however yoga in the morning during which I realized it probably is not a good idea to watch the morning news while doing yoga. Yoga is supposed to make my morning feel better. And once I shut off the TV it did.

Tomorrow is a running day, still deciding between four easy, four hard, or five medium. Only time will tell. And now that I am caught up on my writing I will catch up on my sleep.

xx Sara

Slow Going

On the schedule for yesterday was four easy miles. I couldn't be happier to have a nice easy no pressure workout to get through. And to top it off pizza night was coming a day early. Four easy miles + pizza = happy Sara.

Except last night was the one of the greatest events in a year of Lilly. No not the warehouse sale. Better. Employee sample sale! (Hey it's a hard job, someones gotta do it and this is one of the times it really pays off) Promptly at 3:55 we left our desks and lined up on the stairs to the commons with over sized pink shopping bags slung over our shoulders. And at 4 on the DOT we rushed the merchandise to shop! Pouring over boxes of samples I threw everything I could find in my size into my bag. After two rounds of shopping and trying on I sat perplexed on the gym floor trying to sort my purchases into 'keep' and 'put back' until my keep pile met my previously determined budget. It was then that I looked up at the clock behind me to see it was 6:45. WHAT? How in the world had I spend THREE HOURS shopping!?!

Seeing how much precious running time I had spend shopping (although well worth it) I grabbed my things and headed to the registers. I went over in my mind if I could fit in a four mile run. It would take me half an hour to get home. I still wanted to order pizza. I could afford to skip my run, I could also afford to do only three miles. I knew if I skipped I would feel fat and guilty (this is only for about an hour and then I would enjoy my but being on the couch drinking a beer).

After much internal debate I told myself to shut up, suck it up and run. At most three miles would take me half an hour and there was still so much glorious summer sunlight outside. Running it is.

I wasn't planning on running with my headphones, I never am, but I just wanted something to take my focus off the fact that I wanted to be eating dinner. I swear I meant to go easy. I always start out being exited to run easy. But then I think about my stride, I feel like no matter what my stride should not look or feel lazy. And when I focus on stride I just fly along until I am semi out of breath and have to make myself slow down.

Maybe one of these days I'll actually get the hang of this easy running thing.

12 miles with Team Challenge tomorrow!

xx Sara

Feeling a little like, wow!

You know those days where you are excited to run but you are not sure if your body is up to preforming at the level you would like? You may not be in pain, but something is just a little bit off? So you go out for your workout and think you are running pretty average, until you look at your watch and then Woah! the numbers don't make any sense.

That was today. I was excited for my five mile run since I opened my eyes in the morning. As they day dragged, or rather rushed, on I couldn't wait until 5pm. I headed down to the gym, did a quick abs and arms routine to really get my body warmed up and then headed out to Kelly Drive. I had no idea what kind of workout I wanted to do, but I wanted it to be challenging. 800's? tempo? Something inside of me wanted to find out what kind of times I could get for a mile though, so I settled on 2 x 1 mile at a comfortably hard pace. Whatever that pace was I would be happy but I was not aiming for a time.

Even as I started my warm up I felt like my chest was tight, and through that whole first mile I kept telling myself not to expect much today. Just go out and push harder than easy and I would be happy. After one mile I sped up, and it felt great. Using every muscle in my body, trying to focus on staying clam and not swinging my arms in front of my chest. After a quarter mile I felt miserable, the kind of miserable you feel when running hard, the good kind. I pushed on through the second quarter, and for a brief moment I wondered if I would even make it past 1/2 mile. Maybe I should just cut my losses, and change my workout to 1/2 mile repeats. But something inside of me snapped at that moment and I thought to myself, "no way am I changing this workout, common body pull it together, breath normally so we can finish this thing" I feel like I slowed down a smidge and managed to make it past the half, past the three quarters (Where I passed two very large ladies in lots of pink out for a walk) and after that my mind went blank. I went into auto pilot mode, I stopped feeling pain or discomfort and just moved forward in this smooth rhythmic motion right across the mile mark. I looked down at my watch, expecting to see something like 9:00 or 8:45 maybe. I know I was pushing hard but the majority of the time I felt like I was struggling. 8:00 stared back at me from the face of my pink Ironman Timex.

I'm sorry but I would like someone to come follow me out on my runs and time me from now on because sometimes I go out and I run these times that I'm not even trying for. Times that I don't even want! I'm not ready to run this fast again. I know it's only a mile, and it's a slow mile if that's all you're running. A really slow one. But I haven't run a repeat time like that since training for Hartford. My mind tried to wrap itself around what just happened as I trotted through my half mile recovery. Honestly I would like to know what people passing me must think about my recovery because it looks like the most pathetic running. I of course realize this is what it should look like. It should be slow, I should be gasping for breath because I just ran hard, and by the time it is done I should be feeling almost back to normal and ready to go again.

Right before the second mile I give myself a little pep talk. Out loud. Yes I realize this makes me look like a complete nut case but it works for me so whatever. I just tell myself, stay calm, strong, and steady, it's just one mile. One mile out of many, one mile out of 26 (thinking about the marathon) and it's no big deal I just have to do it and then be done.

So I take off once again and at first my legs are saying "yes this is wonderful we love going fast" but then my lungs pipe up and they are not enjoying the ride. "What are you doing to us girl? we can barely keep up with you will you slow down?" But I do not slow down. I pass the quarter, and then the half. The third quarter was the worst, I wasn't able to take a full breath the entire time. But once I passed into the last quarter I am determined to give it everything I have. I feel like maybe I will come in at the same time as the last mile, maybe I will be a little slower but at least I will have put in the best effort possible. And then I was done and my watch said 7:49*. I have no idea how that happened. Honestly. I thought it would be 8:15 or maybe 8:10.

Again I slowed to that ridiculous trot while I caught my breath and pondered what this would mean for Boston 13.1 coming up in a month. I was certainly in better shape than I thought. I don't know what I thought I would be slower now that I was for Rutgers. Maybe it's because I am still working my way up to 25 mile weeks (like this week!!) which is what I was running right before Rutgers. Maybe it's because I always doubt myself and how hard I am working. Or maybe it's because I am afraid that my asthma is never going to let me run at the level I was two years ago. But through all the maybes one thing is for certain. Today was a great run. Today I pushed myself and had a good hard workout.

Which means tomorrow gets to be an easy day!

xx Sara

*Because I am slow and never learned to delete stored workouts from my watch I timed this run with a full memory. Thus I cannot save and recall my interval, and my timing is not exact it is just what I remember from the quick glance at my watch. My time for the second mile could really be anywhere between 7:49 and 7:40 because all I remember is the 7 and the 4 but lets be honest here it's probably 7:49 so that's what I'm sticking with.

When the boy is away the girl will... watch trashy tv!

Boyfriend is out of town for a bachelor party this weekend and I can do whatever I want tonight. So what do you think the first thing that came to my mind was? Cleaning of course, I am so predictable and also boring. Of course I will be catching up on all the good reality TV while I'm doing all the scrubbing, dusting and laundry.

Saturday morning started like usual, with the weekly long run at Valley Forge Park with Team Challenge. 11 miles went off with out a hitch, the rest had paid off and I had no pain what so ever. It was a beautiful sunny day, a bit of a breeze, but overall just perfect for a long run. I couldn't have asked for a better time. Everyone on the team is making great progress, we are raising a ton of money for a great cause and I continue to learn more about my self as a runner with every week of the program.

As soon as I got home though, I knew I needed to dedicate some serious time to my couch instead of diving head first into my chores like I typically do. I made myself a nice large glass of chocolate milk (my new absolute favorite thing) and then passed out for about two hours. Part of me felt a little guilt for laying around inside on such a gorgeous day but when I consider the fact that I was awake at 6:30 this morning I figure it's not that bad and it would make for a better day. There were so many things on my to do list but right now I needed rest.

When I woke up, feeling worse that before, I realized it probably was not the smartest idea to not have a little something to eat before my nap. The only thing I ate all day was an English muffin with peanut butter pre run, and then my chocolate milk. My stomach was not very happy and neither was my head, I quickly put on a pot of coffee, ate a bowl of cereal, 1/2 a banana and a glass of water. And then the cleaning could commence!

Laundry, cleaning out my closet, cleaning out the refrigerator, and looking for an apartment were all on my list of things to do. Finding an apartment feels like a part time job. I do not enjoy it. Probably because I am picky and kind of cheap. Every time I feel like I have found something that might have potential I find that it has bad reviews or a bad neighborhood, or *gasp* a tiny kitchen. I am a bit of a kitchen snob. So much so that I am seriously considering living in a studio apartment so I can have a nice kitchen. Hey at least I know what I like and need. Cooking makes me happy and I need a nice kitchen to be able to do so.

That was project number one. Project number two is cleaning out my closet which is making me quite sad. Over the course of my three year employment with LP I have amassed a wonderful collection of clothes. At the time I would by a few pieces here and there, but after my first sample sale, I clued in on the fact that sample size garments are sometimes the cheapest. I began buying a lot of size 6 things, even though they were a tad too big. About a month ago I realized I have been in serious size denial of how much smaller I've become since running consistently and not overeating to compensate for the exercise. Where as before I would say "oh I worked out tonight I can have extra ice cream", now I eat a lot less desserts and a lot more fruits and veggies. So all my beloved Lillys had to be sorted and tried on, deciding if it was going to go to the "give away" pile or back in the closet. On the plus side I guess I was making room for new Lillys! I also make it a pile of "to be altered" things, whether by me of a tailor. I may be a good sewer and fit clothes for a living but I don't have the time to fit my own things. My goal through all of this was also to clear off the piano/keyboard in my bedroom which for the past year has been serving as a shelf for all my clothes that didn't fit into my two closets or dresser. My name is Sara and I own far too much clothing for my own good.

Peppered in though all these housewife tasks was a good healthy does of iced coffee and reality TV via Hulu. The Hills, Real Housewives, etc. There is a bottle of wine chilling in the fridge as I write and shortly I will put on my Pj's, cuddle up on the couch with a glass of Riesling, something chocolate and just enjoy time to my self.

xx Sara