Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Life in Limbo

It has been one day since Broad Street, two days since the University City 5K, and two weeks since the UNITE Rutgers 1/2 marathon. Boston 13.1 half marathon with Team Challenge isn't for 7 weeks and 5 days. So pretty much I am just chilling out here in running limbo. One race over, goal exceeded, one race in the distance, goal still undetermined.

While in limbo, of course I choose to run a few races, but more for the fun and the memories than a finish time. I understand that, other runners understand that, but it's the non-runner circle I'm having a little trouble with. Of course I know this is not uncommon, they don't understand much and I have to give them a break I can't really expect them to get it with out being there. But how do you go into the office after everyone knows you ran two races over the weekend and admit you ran some pretty awful times with out them thinking why you try so hard? I guess in the end all it boils down to is why does it matter what they think anyways?

I'll be the first one to tell you "No Excuses, just go out there and run". So why do I find myself saying things like "It was hot and miserable" and "I wasn't racing for time I was just running for fun". Aren't these excuses? Or are they reasons? Or maybe they don't matter at all and I should hold my head high when I say "I finished the race at that was good enough for me". I know I should be proud. Correction, I AM proud. But it's easier to believe when I only have to tell it to myself.

Why do we find ourselves so desperate to please people that don't understand. Why do we feel the need to explain the details and dynamics as if they are going to suddenly have a new appreciation for what I do? Because unfortunately our society tends to judge, more than it should. And no one wants to be judged so we come prepared, defensive and ready to strike with reason after reason when they ask why you are not as fast as the other person they know who ran the same race. Short answer, because I am not that person. I am myself and I live my life according to my own rules. My rules that say, these two races I did this weekend were for me, and as long as I am happy what else really matters? Why should I spend my time trying to justify what I do?

Tomorrow the hard work starts again. I have enjoyed these two weeks off, two weeks of easy running, short distances and lots of sleep. Tomorrow I dip my foot into the ice bath of training. Painful to think about, hard to get started, but once you're there it all just goes numb and you know it is more than worth it in the end.

xx Sara


Denise said...

you shouldn't spend your time trying to justify what you do...just smile and turn the other cheek.

Rachel said...

i couldn't agree more with this most, well said. welcome back to training! it always is worth it in the end : )