Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Do one thing ever day that scares you

Training for a marathon does't scare me. Running the marathon does't scare me. Failing at running the marathon scares me.

I know I have said I have regained my confidence and now that I have been diagnosed with Asthma officially I know nothing stands between me and the finish line. Except that big furry monster wall of fear.

This year I only signed up for halves. Because they don't scare me in the least. In fact after finishing running 12 miles change on Saturday morning I realized I was totally ready for my race in two weeks. I could run it this weekend if I wanted to, if my goal was to finish. And right now my goal has been to just get into shape, stay in shape, and not get hurt.

But then my goals started to change. I joined Team Challenge. I set my sights on PR'ing at the PDR in September. This meant (to me) over-distance training, which I was perfectly ok with. And to cap off the year I would do the Philadelphia Half Marathon and actually finish. With every workout I do I am pushing myself, and I am surprising myself with the results. Every interval, every repeat, every mile I come in under the time I thought I would I realize I have already outgrown my goals. I start to realize with the shape I am in now, there are no excuses for why I can't sign up for the Philadelphia Marathon. The whole thing. All 26.2 miles. Oh yea except I am terrified beyond belief and want to put it off for as long as possible.

Maybe it's the increasing number of running blogs I have been reading. Maybe it's running with all the fabulous runners and mentors with Team Challenge. Or maybe it's because it's April and the Boston Marathon is right around the corner, teasing me, taunting me with the hope that I could one day run that course. Why put off until tomorrow what you could get done today? Why put off until next year what I know I am capable of in the fall?

So I did it. I bit the proverbial bullet and made the decision (as soon as I have the available funds) that I am going to try the marathon once again. I will set myself a much more modest goal of course, somewhere around 4:25/4:30 I am thinking and we'll see how the rest of the year and the rest of my halves go. I may change my goal. But right now it feels good (in a scary way) to have a larger than life goal out there in front of my face. The orange post it note in my day planner that used to read "register for Philly half by 4.31" has been thrown away and replaced with "Register for the Philadelphia Marathon by 4.31" Yikes!

Who knows. Maybe the third time really is the charm for me.

xx Sara


Black Labs and Lilly said...

Failing at running the marathon is what scares me too. I am getting more nervous and excited by the day. Less then 2 weeks to go!

Denise said...

i'm looking forward to the post where you say you registered. i know that's right around the corner!